Hey Wives! You ever wonder to yourself as a wife, if you are too difficult, too trusting, too talkative, too anything?  It’s okay to admit. I will even include myself. There are women out there that really believe that they don’t need any kind of transformation. There are women out there that think they don’t need to change in anyway. Believe me when I tell you, that is a false reality and a false sense of self.  We as believers are called to renew our minds and not behave like the world does. Yes wives that includes our behavior as well. What is the foundational scripture for changing our mindset. The foundation for renewing our mind is Romans 12:2. In that scripture, we are given the command to not conform to the things of the world. We are commanded to allow God to transform us by renewing our mindset. That means we need to change the way we think. As women and as wives we can certainly think a certain way that causes us to disrespect our husbands, dismiss our husbands thoughts and feelings, be extremely contentious with our husbands, and overall not treat our husbands the way they need and desire to be treated. Now of course, Im not talking to everyone, but I am talking to those of us who had or currently have those struggles.

There are what psychology calls conflict patterns and communication styles. The biggest one is the “demand-withdraw” pattern. In 70-80% of marriages, the wives are in the demanding (confronting) role; while the husband is in the withdraw (avoiding) role. Bianca……what does that mean exactly? That means one partner is viewed as contention/controlling. It is actually an anxious attempt to reconnect or fix an issue that arose but backfires when the other partner withdraws emotionally. This is according to the Americian Psychological Association. They also said that this pattern is the most destructive patterns in marriage. THIS IS WHY WE MUST RENEW OUR MINDS.

John Gottman studies thousands of couples and concluded that criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling (avoiding) are the primary predictors of divorce.  The leading reasons cited by women include a lack of emotional support, unequal divisions of labor, and communication breakdowns. Equally, men who are unhappy in marriages often cite a high occurrence of criticism, feeling unappreciated, or a lack of physical intimacy. SAY WHAT??? And you know what else? Approximately 70% of divorces are initiated by US. If we include college-educated women with degrees and careers the percentage jumps all the way to 90%. THAT’S ONLY 10% FROM 100. So what am I saying? IT’S A MINDSET that must get a renewal. We can’t blame everything on our husbands. Lets talk scripture.

Philippians 4:8 tells us to be careful of the things we think. It is specifically tells us what to think. That means that everything that comes to our head does not or should not remain there. Our minds should be filled with the truth of God. So no negative thoughts about my marriage or husband? HEAR ME. I’m not saying that those thoughts won’t come or the weapons won’t form, but I am saying not to mediate on it. Our thoughts actually shape how we treat people YES INCLUDING our husbands.

2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us to take our thoughts captive. Specifically we are asked to cast them down and make our thoughts obey. So that means that every thought that comes to your head, you can definitely reject or not accept every thought that tries to enter our minds. Thoughts that contradict God’s truth challenge them.

Ephesians 4:23 tells us to renew our inner thinking. Specifically, it tells us to be renewed in the spirit of our mind. That means changing our attitudes, perspectives, and the way we respond to people and life. YES that includes our attitudes towards our husbands and the way we respond and talking to our husbands.

My favorite scripture: Isaiah 26:3. That tells us that a renewed mind produces peace. It tells us that God is able to keep us in perfect peace as long as our minds are on Him and we trust Him. This will help us to  remain grounded even when circumstances in life are horrid.

2 Timothy 1:7 tells us to reject fearful thinking. God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind. That means we are called to respond with faith, love, and self-control instead of fear.

Psalm 51:10 tells us  to ask God for inner renewal. We are told to ask God for a clean heart and for Him to renew a right spirit within us. That looks like praying to God for a cleansing and restoration of spiritual perspective on things.

Joshua 1:8 tells us to meditate DAILY on Gods word. This requires for us to be consistent. The more you meditate on the Word of God, the more your thinking is rightly shaped.

Last but not least Philippians 2:5 tells us to develop the mind of Christ. We are supposed to become more Christ like in humility, obedience, love, and character. Now how can we do that if we are contentious and confrontational? The bible even says that its better to dwell on the corner of a rooftop than in the same house with a contentious woman. (Proverbs 21:9) If you go further down in that same chapter it says its better to be in the wilderness than with a contentious and angry woman (verse 19). That means the house environment should be peaceful and is even more valuable than conflict and arguments. All of that contention can make a marriage emotionally exhausting.

Now wives, Im not going to sit here and ask you to respond if this is you or have been you before. I am calling all wives to self-examination INCLUDING MYSELF. It doesn’t hurt to examine yourself. As a believer, that’s what we are supposed to do anyway.

Stay tuned for more blogs!

Be Blessed Wives!